For a limited time, Ordinary Handsome is on sale for 99 cents. That’s right, shoppers, for a limited time only, an amazing and unbelievable 99 cents! But wait, there’s more! (There’s not really more.) What do I need to do, you ask? Follow the link! You too can say you bought something today on Amazon!
Tired of those cheap 65 cent /ton clothes pins? Frustrated by those pants that were shipped with only one leg and no zipper? Embarrassed by that David Hasselhoff “Knight Lover” CD that was shipped “by mistake”? Well no more. Now you can be the proud owner of (turns page, loses spot on page, remembers his coffee is on the counter getting cold, watches the last half hour of CSI: Miami because, hey, they’re cool shades and David Caruso is a dweeb, but the shades almost make up for it) Ordinary Handsome! The novel everyone in the bathroom is talking about! (Forgets he’s in the bathroom and shuts the door.)
For less than the price of a gas station cup of coffee, you too can be the proud owner of something. Aggravated by harsh sales pitches? Annoyed by the guy who drives his ’74 Datsun up and down the road because he’s probably lost? Fed up with LOUD people asking you to buy stuff that you desperately need? Say no more. It’s here and it’s cheap, baby, cheaper than that strip mall you invested in before the Y2K, um, thing. (Really? A strip mall? In Buck Naked, Wyoming? Shame on you.)
Catches his breath, naps, and then waits for the next “Everyone Loves Raymond Episode”, the one where Robert maybe didn’t love Raymond after all.
Okay. Sales pitch done. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Regular programming will now resume.
Walks away grumbling about being a lousy salesman…. maybe drywall for dog houses next? Yeah.