We grew to become cruel men. We gathered our wounds and we coddled our scars and lionized them under the tract lighting of The Saluda Bar. When called upon, we mourned our dead, and then moved on. But sometimes we couldn’t.

This past July I lost my son, Daniel Benton Sawyer. He was twenty-three years old. I could tell you the number of months and days, but I won’t. My life was a rehearsal for this loss and I am unprepared to measure his life against mine.

Two days after my boy’s passing, my friend Wayne Scobee was busted for illicit behavior. He offered to blow a Georgia Tech student in a Ruby Tuesday bathroom stall. The boy was nineteen and he broke Wayne’s nose. I thought about breaking it again if he showed up at the funeral, but I was too goddamn tired. Nineteen? My head orbited that number like a comet. Nineteen. That was younger than Danny. I needed time to sort through the rubble, and time was no longer a luxury, if it ever was. My heart was too cruel a place for any illusion of forgiveness.

(A work in progress)


32 thoughts on “Rehearsal

  1. amoodindigosoul February 4, 2017 / 12:58 am

    The start got my attention quick smart!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pleasant Street February 4, 2017 / 1:54 am

    A very engaging start….I forgot it was fiction at first and thought you had lost your son….

    Liked by 1 person

  3. D. Wallace Peach February 4, 2017 / 4:14 pm

    Intense, Steven. I was intrigued by the way a hard, cruel man might deal with grief and complex emotions. Compelling.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Tenacity T February 5, 2017 / 4:14 pm

    Well written as it immediately got my attention. I am sorry about your sonπŸ™πŸΌ Where’s the rest? You left me hanging!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ocean Bream February 19, 2017 / 7:43 pm

    I thought this was real. It is heartbreaking, is it part of a bigger piece? If so, I am anxious to read it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Steven Baird February 19, 2017 / 8:51 pm

      Thank you, it is part of a bigger piece I’m working on. But I’m a slow writer. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. pennygadd51 March 5, 2017 / 4:11 pm

    That’s very bleak. Do you see such things as intrinsic to masculinity?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Steven Baird March 5, 2017 / 11:54 pm

      I really don’t. This particular character interests me because he is antipathetic to most men I know…. I’m curious to discover how he got that way. Thank you for reading and following. πŸ™‚


  7. Computer May 22, 2017 / 12:51 pm

    I forgot it was fiction at first too. Thank you, it is part of a bigger piece I’m working on.

    Liked by 1 person

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