My words

There are some days when I am so tired of the words. My words. Their  looseness, their tightness, their clutter, their chatter, their aloofness and evasiveness, their show-and-tellness, their hip-hoppiness. They’re  too unrefined, too shiny, too abstract, and they float like blots of snow in a Rankin/Bass Christmas cartoon. I want them to be sweeping,Continue reading “My words”

Almost the sexiest man in my car

An updated autobiothingy A thing that will never happen: I’m standing at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter says: “I know you’re a good man, George, with your charity work and that to-die-for profile, but I’m going to give you a pass. ‘Batman and Robin’? What were you thinking? And bat nipples? Dude!” And IContinue reading “Almost the sexiest man in my car”


Honey, she whispered in her charcoal voice, The dog ate another squirrel, there were guts on the porch. Someone cut the brake line of your Ford, and the IRS called, they want to know if that’s your real name. Something’s wrong with the TV, we can only get Nick at Nite, the babysitter has TrumpContinue reading “Honey…”

In sickness and in blah

  It’s been a morose few days, with very little writing or editing accomplished. We (and by ‘we’, I mean my wife and I, not the imperial, ‘Franz, bring us our seltzer water and pour it down your trousers, as we are inadequately amused’) … Where was I going with this? Oh, right. We’ve both beenContinue reading “In sickness and in blah”

What’s in a name?

Since moving to Virginia almost eight years ago, I have never heard my surname so mangled, maligned and misspoken. Granted, it’s not a common name around here, and spoken with the varying Southern accents — from Hillbilly on up — I usually answer with a shrug and a gentle correction. Sometimes even my first nameContinue reading “What’s in a name?”