What’s in a name?

Since moving to Virginia almost eight years ago, I have never heard my surname so mangled, maligned and misspoken. Granted, it’s not a common name around here, and spoken with the varying Southern accents — from Hillbilly on up — I usually answer with a shrug and a gentle correction. Sometimes even my first name is misspelled, which happens. I don’t know which of the two is more common — Steven or Stephen. People I correspond with on a daily basis at work, through email, often spell it Stephen, even though the proper spelling is in each and every signature of each and every email I send out. But never mind. Call me Steve and we’ll be fine. 

Ah, but the surname. I’ve heard everything from Bird (yes, the “a” is silent, as God intended. Have a greet day)  to Braud to Braid (second most common) to something unpronounceable–  Bwarid’uid, and I can almost see their tongues convulsing, trying to push those letters out of their mouths. Brdfkdw? How ’bout I call you Brad?)

At work — where I was already employed for six years — I was once called to the front office via telecom: would Stephan Brnfstk please come to the front office?). I didn’t recognize the name, wondered briefly if we had a visiting foreign diplomat, and went back to work. Finally, someone came to my desk and asked me if I was deaf, I was needed at the front office. As Walter White, aka Heisenberg, once said: “Say my name!” Or, as my second grade teacher once said, “Sound it out!”

But never mind. It’s Baird. As in “he bared his teeth at anyone who mispronounced his name”.  As I said, it’s an uncommon name around here, but it’s not like it’s written in  Klingon. One correction and it’s usually fine. But when I pronounce it for some people, and they repeat it back to me, there are usually too many vowels. “Booodkuuchi? And how are we today, umm… can I see some ID?)” At the post office. Getting my taxes done at H&R Block. At the bank when I ask for a loan so I can legally change my name to something easier to pronounce. Like Joe Kickass.

Or better: I’m thinking Bond. Steve Bond. Cue the music. Have a greet day.


14 thoughts on “What’s in a name?

  1. VictoryInTrouble April 11, 2015 / 10:37 pm

    Ah, that was awesome, Mr. Bond. 😉 Made me laugh. I can so relate. Nobody can ever spell or pronounce my first name- they add or subtract letters which leaves me boggled. Some people, eh? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Austin April 11, 2015 / 11:22 pm

    Be like Madonna or Oprah or Pele or Sting and just go by Steve. 🙂


      • Austin April 11, 2015 / 11:24 pm

        I insist upon it since my last name gets mangled all the time, too. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Steven Baird April 11, 2015 / 11:29 pm

    Maybe we should have gold stars behind our names. People remember gold stars.


  4. kittykatsbitsandbobs April 12, 2015 / 11:17 am

    I feel your pain! My first name can be spelled two different ways, my surname is also a Christian name, and can be spelled three different ways…
    Happy to know I’ve been pronouncing Baird correctly! Yay me!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Steven Baird April 12, 2015 / 12:21 pm

    Yay you! I don’t make a fuss if the pronunciation is a little bit off, or if the emphasis is on the wrong vowel, but… no, it’s right there! Maybe I’ve been spelling it wrong all these years. 🙂


  6. David Powning April 12, 2015 / 1:28 pm

    I’ve had EXACTLY the same problem throughout my entire life. My surname is very rare (in the UK, at least) and even when I SPELL IT OUT to people who need to write it down they will say,
    ‘Was that Powling?’
    ‘No. Do you remember when I spelt it out to you thirty seconds ago? That’s what it is.’
    ‘Okay Mr Pounding.’

    My wife’s first name is Rae. She has it even worse.

    (PS I was pronouncing your name right, for what it’s worth.)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Steven Baird April 12, 2015 / 1:42 pm

    Honestly, most people do get it right. I think it’s just a matter of paying attention. Even when I pronounce it slowly, it’s either misheard or ignored. Granted, I am soft-spoken, so perhaps they still hear what they think I said. And I can’t think of any other way “Rae” could be mispronounced.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Steven Baird April 12, 2015 / 1:51 pm

    Dyslexia, perhaps? It’s a good thing there aren’t more letters in her name. Who knows how that would turn out.


  9. longchaps2 April 13, 2015 / 8:28 pm

    Joe Kickass definitely has a nice ring. People are probably gonna want to hyphenate it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Steven Baird April 13, 2015 / 10:11 pm

    Yep. Or say it backwards. Joe Asskick… not the impression I was looking for.


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